Ever get to the point of exhaustion where you have a lot of things to do and needs to satisfy but you can't decide which to do first so you just don't do anything? I got there today. I needed to pee, I was very hungry, I had work to do, I was thirsty, I was tired, I wanted to sing and dance and play guitar and read and go for a run. And I just sat there. Overwhelmed by the competing needs and desires, I did nothing. I should have gone to sleep.
But I didn't and now it's many hours later and I sorted out a lot of those needs. (Pee, eat and drink, sing, play, read.) Now I'm trying to sleep and I find that I am wide awake and it's 2:17 and I feel deceptively alert and energetic. I still have competing urges (run, sing, dance, write, read, work), though, all inappropriate given the time, and only one thing I need to be doing, sleeping.
So in the absence of sleep, I am trying to be productive, trying to get to some of those things I haven't gotten to that I've been meaning to get to. And I guess that means blogging.
Why I am awake? Could be the combination of being overtired or the weird sleeping patterns I seem to be developing. I find I'm waking up around 3 AM and again at 6 but not getting up until 7:30. I'm tired at 8 but not at 10. I'm staring at a laptop instead of going outside or reading a book. I took an allergy pill. Today was a busy day. Maybe it's the busy-ness that has me buzzing still.
My eye is twitching. Earlier the upper left lip was twitching.
Right now I'm glad to have a light on and a laptop working, but I've been thinking it might be great to not use lights at night or anything that plugs in. To sleep when it gets dark and to wake when the sky gets light, to be on a natural rhythm. Maybe I'd wake with the birds around 3. Maybe I am waking with the birds around 3. Maybe I need to move to another time zone.
We're funny creatures.
Be in the moment, I find myself thinking. If I feel energetic, take advantage, get some things done. Good advice. Here I go to take it.